Love is a Haunting
You once told me that ghosts are the world’s way of remembering. I like the way it remembers you—your stoplight green nail polish and the butterfly clips in your hair, the Luzon-shaped birthmark on your knee and the crisp scent of your lemon shampoo. The way you frown when I curse, trying to hide your childish delight, and the way you light up when you finally summon enough ectoplasmic energy to pick up a pencil. Your joy is contagious. Especially when you make space for yourself, bit by bit.
I know you think that’s not enough—that you’re not enough for me, if not now, then someday. You’re scared that I’ll want more than a hand to hold, that I’ll realize you’re the only one bound to this house. You’re scared I’ll leave. But I want you to listen carefully from whatever corner of the house you’re hiding in.
I like who I am when I’m with you. All I want is to hear about your favorite shows so we can find out how they ended. I want to laugh at the way you scrunch your nose up when I explain modern slang. I want to play you new songs that I think you’ll like and find CDs of the bubblegum pop you miss. I want you.
And the truth is I have never felt love as a consequence of the body. Most days, my body is a stranger, and I have no more use for corporeality than you. I don’t know what that makes me. Maybe I’m a memory in progress, and maybe you are the memory I’m trying to make. But I won’t know if you don’t come back, if you don’t let me—let us try.
I don’t understand how you think I could just leave. If you’re staying, there’s no moving on for me either. If you’re bound to this house, then I’m bound to you. And, when my time comes, maybe I’ll be able to linger here, where we can live in the light, like shadows do.
Don’t you know there is more than one kind of haunting?
© 2024 Sydney Paige Guerrero
About the Author
Sydney Paige Guerrero is a Filipino speculative fiction writer and scholar with a soft spot for the weird and whimsical. Her work has appeared in Daily Science Fiction, Cast of Wonders, Apex Magazine, Tales and Feathers Magazine, Fusion Fragment and other venues. You can find out more about her at www.sydneypaigeguerrero.wordpress.com.